Nov 12, Diagnosis Day 3 Years Later…
This day hurts. It was the day our life was drastically changed. Briella was diagnosed with DIPG. I was in complete shock on that day. I couldn’t even take in all the doctors were telling us. Our daughter had a terminal diagnosis. Somedays I still don’t understand. The last few days all those memories of the days surrounding diagnosis day have been flashing through my mind. I have a grief book in my collection. It’s a kid’s book, but it is beautiful in explaining grief. The Grief Rock by Natasha Daniels. It talks about grief as a heavy rock that takes you down. It is very heavy and burdensome at first. It says that the rock goes everywhere with you and eventually it becomes so much apart of you that it starts to feel smaller. But “sometimes it suddenly grows so big that is crushes you again.” That is where I am now. I don’t really like this feeling. I like it when it feels smaller. At those times it feels like I can function again. When it suddenly grows so big, life becomes overwhelming and daily decisions and functioning just become almost impossible. And yet God continues to carry me. The last few days have been heavy and overwhelming. At yet I woke up again this morning to a beautiful sunrise. I made it another day.
Last night here is South Dakota we were able to see the northern lights right from our house in the middle of Sioux Falls. The beauty of God was on display, and it was so beautiful. It so reminded me of the song “Light Up the Sky” by The Afters. Here is the chorus…
You light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me that you are with me
And I, I, I can't deny
No I can't deny that you are right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see you all around me
You light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me that you are with me
Thank you, God, for showing me that you are here with me in my grief. Even in the hard, You are so good!
You are all around me, behind me and in front of me. You hold me safe in your hand. Psalm 139:5